touch of grey

the past few weeks have been such a blur, i feel like i'm just getting back into the swing of things. the last sunday in july, the three of us were at home relaxing in the afternoon when we got a very unexpected phone call. "se nos quemó la casa, juli". to hear my father tell me that our family home had caught fire was...well, there's no words to describe it. apparently the house was struck by lightning and started an attic fire. we were blessed that it happened on a sunday afternoon and that the neighbors were home to knock on the door and tell my parents their house was on fire. the smoke detectors hadn't gone off yet because the fire was only in the attic. as my mom watched the siding start to melt away she started having chest pains. she was taken to the hospital where over the course of the next two days we were again blessed to find out that she has no heart disease and it was not a heart attack. simply a broken heart at watching 30 years of memories go up in flames. i went home as soon as i could to visit and help out in any way i could. but it turns out my son was more helpful than i could ever be. there is something about a baby's smile that seems to make the world disappear and you just forget about everything bad in the world for a few brief moments. though i know the fire was probably always somewhere in the back of their minds, i think antonio's smile and bright eyes helped in the healing process.

as for the house, the damage from the fire itself was minimal. the water damage, however, was not. it will be several months before my parents can move back into the house as the house has to pretty much be rebuilt on the inside.

it's hard to describe how i feel about the fire. our house on mulberry bottom lane was the only house i ever lived in until i got married. yes, i know it's just "stuff" that got ruined. but it's more than that. it's the memories that go with them. there are things that have been ruined that i will never be able to show my son and say "see, this is the dollhouse that i was given that your abuelo carlos glued on each shingle one by one" or "when your abuelo carlos would go on business trips, your tío and tías and i would take turns to sleep in this big bed with your abuela julia" or "this is where your abuelo carlos would tuck his cookie tin at night and i would come home from school and eat the marble cookies". there will be new things to show and share with my children, but it just won't be the same. even though it will be the same house, it will not feel like the same home.

a little disturbing

i was changing antonio's diaper the other day and was a little disturbed by the picture on it.

is it just me or does it look like ernie has been eating alice b. toklas brownies?

what's worse than having ants???

BABY ants. ugh!!!!

things i've learned so far

motherhood has taught me so much already. for example:
- there is no such thing as dinner time. sure enough as soon as we sit down, antonio decides he MUST eat. i guess he feels left out.
- there is no such thing as a quick errand.
- drying my hair is a thing of the past. i'm lucky i can shower at all, or even brush my teeth some days.
- "pregnancy brain" doesn't go away after having the baby. the other day i put bread crumbs away in the fridge and i walked out of the house with the baby without his car seat.
- just when you think your heart is going to burst with love, your son does something else that makes you love him even more.

and much, MUCH more...

first movie

antonio has officially seen his first movie!! we decided to take a chance and go see harry potter 5. the movie was sooo good, though so much had to be left out because the book is so long. antonio slept through most of it. he only decided to be awake the last 30 minutes so i walked around with him along the side of the theater to keep him happy. i'm so blessed...i have the best baby!!

twinkle toes

i confess i am addicted to "so you think you can dance". i think i watch every episode at least 3 times before i delete it from the tivo. i really enjoy my thursday and friday mornings now because i put on the show and antonio and i dance around the living room. we're nowhere near as good as the people on the show obviously, but we have lots of fun. he LOVES to dance. i think his favorite so far is krumping. and this morning he was smiling like crazy while i moved his pudgy little arms and legs while he was in his bouncer. sooo cute!!

what's your superpower?

it's been almost 5 weeks since antonio was born and motherhood is amazing! every day i love my son more and more and i love watching how he's already growing into his own little person. i admit, it was much tougher at the beginning than i thought it'd be, but it is more than worth it. every day antonio is alert a little more, smiles a little more, looks right at me a little more. i don't think there are enough words to describe how being a mother makes you feel. and i have to admit, one of my favorite things is the feeling i get when all he wants is to be held, but only by me. it's like some sort of mommy superpower, the ability to be the only one who can calm him, to be the only one he wants sometimes. i revel in every moment of it.